He Aint Heavy, He's My Manna!
by Kyia.L.Kenobi
Summary: Quinn has to deal with life as a Warcraft Widower when Rashel gets addicted to online gaming. Nod to all those real life WOW widow/ers : PS yes I know not ALL WoW are as bad as Rashel, but seriously I think I am on to something with the potty chair.
1. Chapter 1

He Aint Heavy, He's My Manna.

Quinn sat in Thierry's mansion running his fingers through his dark locks. It needed cutting, who was he kidding, it needed cutting badly. But he had bigger problems at the moment. How long could he keep something like this a secret for? They were bound to find out. The place was crawling with telepathic beings for Goddess' sake. Witches, Shapeshifters, Vampires. If he had not been such a strong telepath himself he was certain they would have found out already. He was John Quinn, he was used to hiding behind walls. But this.....

He sighed deeply, taking a moment to relax now he was alone, even though in the Night World you were never truly alone. One of Thierry's lackies could well be watching him now. He could sense people but not hidden webcams.

No, he straightened up, he was John Quinn, he would show no weakness. He would, no must keep this secret for her. Her problems were his now, no matter what.

"No matter what" He muttered out loud.

Thierry himself strode through the small anteroom, he carried with him a dictaphone "And let the witches know that I am not making the official logo of Circle Daybreak tye-dye. I don't care how much Thea Harman moans about Mother Earth and unity, I gave in over the 'I've found my soulmate ask me how?' bumper stickers, this one she'll just have to get over"

Quinn sniggered, the Night World elder had been a lot more forth coming to the witches strange requests since Lady Hannah had taken up residence. Not that she was voicing opinions on whether the Hearth Women could have a foam party. Quinn just thought that since the world's oldest vampire had his soulmate in his house rather than having to spend eternity searching for her, well he didn't really much care about anything else. He personally didn't blame him, he'd feel the same except.........

"Quinn, Good!" Thierry saw him sitting at a small table in a corner "I was looking for you, or rather Rashel"

"Rashel?" Oh dear, he should have known he would have to deal with questioning at some point

The elder tilted his head his pale blonde hair falling on his forehead "I've just had a shipment of, well rather unusual weaponry. I know samurai is her area of expertise. I wondered if she'd take a look at a couple of the pieces for me"

"Rashel is....." He searched "Not well" Humans got ill didn't they?

"I thought I'd not seen her around the mansion recently" A look of concern spread over the elder's face "Nothing serious I hope"

"No, No" Quinn rushed, what could he say, to avoid questions, questions were bad and Thierry looked like he wanted to ask a lot of questions. "Just...." Think, human dieases, quick! "err Meningitis . Nothing serious, she'll be fine in a week or two"

Thierry raised a eyebrow "Meningitis? She seen a doctor?"

He shrugged feeling more relaxed "Rachel said not to bother, she's had it before. She just needs to rest and she'll be up and beating up Eric as per usual"

Thierry went to open his mouth then thought the better of it "That's fine Quinn, you let me know when she's feeling better" He patted him on the shoulder knowing full well it was a tad patronising, shuffled out the door.

Quinn let out a sigh of relief. That had been close. He didn't know much about human biology apart from the obvious, but apparently neither did Thierry. He just couldn't let anyone know. The shame would kill them, it would kill them both.

Thierry strode away from the anteroom, straight towards Keller's room. If anyone would know, she would. Quinn had been acting nervous, and that was very unQuinn like. Something bad enough to unsettle the Mr Cool of the Night World had to be moved straight to the top of his to-do list. He had noticed that Rashel hadn't been around the mansion for sometime, the weapons collection had been a white lie. If he wanted his collection looking over he'd do it himself, after all he'd got most of the pieces from China himself. So one of his agents was missing and her soulmate was very edgy. He ran through the options in his mind. Kidnapping was the obvious one. Because he was pretty sure that you didn't recover from Meningitis in a week with rest.

He knocked on the door.

Half an hour later he emerged from Keller's room, his eyes wide. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair.

"Well"

Keller had not seen Rashel. Except once, from a distance. She had called her name but she had walked past like she was not there. Keller said she could only see that Rashel had 'put on weight' a lot of weight in such a short time.

No wonder Quinn was nervous, if Rashel was pregnant. Jesus, she was still only a teenager. Still, he laughed to himself. Quinn was over 500 years old, he should be over the whole panic stricken young father thing. He sighed, no he would reassure them that they would protect Rashel, look after her, after all vampire/human hybrids were extremely rare.

He went off in search of Quinn.

Quinn had gone home. They didn't live in the mansion. He thanked the Goddess everyday that they had chosen a apartment in Vegas. At the time they had said they needed their freedom, their space. _ Such irony. _ He looked at his soulmate, a mere shadow of her former self.

_She used to be so bright, so vibrant, so full of energy. Look what its done to her._

The doorbell rang, the vampire froze. Who would be calling round? Who would???? he felt his chest tighten. No! No! He had worked so hard to keep this secret. He wouldn't let it all fall apart now. He wouldn't answer it!

The doorbell rang again, it seemed to laugh at him.

"Get that will you Quinn"

It rang again, mockingly. It was worse than that raven in that Edgar Allen Poe poem.

"Quinnnnnnnn!!!!!!" Rashel shouted

"Okay I'm going!" He shouted back. He walked over to the door and opened it tentatively, placing his body in the entrance. He may have opened the door, but that didn't mean they had to get in.

"Thierry, what can I do for you?" He plastered a smile on his face.

The NightWorld Elder looked grave "Can I come in" He asked quietly

He gritted his teeth "Rashel's sleeping, I don't want to wake her up"

Thierry sighed "Quinn, I know she doesn't have Meningitis"

"Oh?"

"Well for one thing its usually fatal" He retorted

"Oh"

There was a icy silence that floated between the two vampires and Quinn reached for what to say. What could he say?

Thierry looked up with his solomn eyes "I know Quinn, I know Rashel's pregnant"

The made vampire's jaw dropped "What the....."

"Its okay Quinn" He continued "I know its frightening and scary but I want to help. I want to protect the both" He smiled wryly "Well the three of you"

Quinn didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Thierry looked so dreadfully earnest, and uncomfortable, like he was explaining to Quinn that it okay that he wasn't potty trained yet. "Rashel's not pregnant"

"Denial will not help you"

He sighed, he felt tired suddenly, so tired. He had not slept properly since.........Maybe Thierry was right, maybe he did need help. Maybe this was too much for the two of them to deal with on their own.

"No really" He countered. He looked his lord and master dead in the eye. "Can I trust you Thierry Descoudres. I mean really trust you."

Thierry's gaze did not waver. "Of course"

Quinn stepped back from the entrance to the apartment "Then you had better come in" He shot him an icy look back over his shoulder, warningly "This goes no further than you and me"

"Understood"

The apartment was dark, not a problem for sharp vampire eyes. Thierry moved around through the hallway with easy into the living room._ No lights_ he thought. _Why are all the lights off?_

"Rashel prefers it this way" Quinn replied reading his thoughts.

Suddenly Thierry was afraid, what had happened, what had she become?


	2. Chapter 2

Thierry's vampire hearing picked up a low hum, gentle tapping, and the sound of a voice. Apart from that the apartment was deathly silent, he listened closer.

The apartment was dark, not a problem for sharp vampire eyes. Thierry moved around through the hallway with easy into the living room._ No lights_ he thought. _Why are all the lights off?_

"Rashel prefers it this way" Quinn replied reading his thoughts.

Suddenly Thierry was afraid, what had happened, what had she become?

His vampire hearing picked up a low hum, gentle tapping, and the sound of a voice. Apart from that the apartment was deathly silent, he listened closer.

"Yeah Harrison, if you give me your cloak of sorcery because your armour boosts your manna anyway, Jake will concentrate on keeping our health up during the battle because I'll be too busy casting that new kick ass fire spell I stole off some guy in the enchanted forest"

A light was coming from a small room, a study Thierry guessed. A eerie blue glow that bathed the hallway in a ghostly light. That was where the sounds was coming from. He peered in, hiding in the darkness

"Its okay" Quinn replied not wasting his time with the cool vampire fade out trick, "She won't know you're there"

Thierry straightened up and looked at the scene before him. He could see Rashel, her face bathed in the blue light from a computer screen. The keyboard was barely visible under a tirade of Reese's cups wrappers, MacDonald's fry boxes and crushed Mountain Dew cans. Thierry wondered how she could find the keys under the amount of crap. But that wasn't what shocked him most.

Her once clear skin was scattered with rising spots. She leaned in to the screen staring intently, she was speaking into a computer headset which sat atop her lank greasy hair, a few strands had come loose and dangled in front of her vision, refusing to be held back. Every few seconds she blew them out of the way, not wanting to take her hands from the keyboard. But that wasn't the worst of it, no one, not even a blind werewolf could miss her ass.

"Oh by the Goddess, Quinn. Her ass!" Thierry gasped.

"I know" He put his head in his hands, unable to bear it anymore, he sank to his knees. He had been carrying it around for so long "I know Thierry. I've been living with that ass for a whole month now. I've done everything I can. I tried giving her diet soda but she just throws the can at me. It just keeps getting bigger. I don't think the computer chair can take much more. What if it breaks? Then what Thierry! Then what!"

"Have you tried salad?" He suggested meekly

"Oh salad!" Quinn mocked "That's easy for you to say, salad! Have a nice salad Rashel!" He laughed "But you need two hands to eat a salad. You have to leave the keyboard, that's the food rule, nothing that you can't eat whilst gaming. That's what she calls it you know, gaming. So nothing that drips and nothing with two hands. What can I give her? I did try a banana but the skins started to rot on the keyboard. The room smelt for a week." Quinn shuddered "That smell Thierry, I have nightmares about that smell"

Thierry held out a hand to help him up. He recognised that look of torment in his eyes, he had seen it in the mirror every day until he had found Hannah. "What is it, is it drugs?"

He sighed "You have a right to know" He swallowed "Its worse, its World of Warcraft"

Thierry put his hands on his hips "That stupid on-line game, is that all! I thought you were going to tell me she was a drug addict, or a prostitute or something else good."

"A prostitute, if only" He sighed wistfully "Least then she might leave the house" _ Least then I might get some action._

Thierry pursed his lips. He couldn't deny, Rashel, the Cat did look rough. "Let me try"

Quinn stepped back "I've tried, Its like she's not really there anymore" He wiped his face on his sleeve "She's more machine now than man"

"For Goddess sake get a grip" Thierry hissed pushing past the shattered husk of a vampire. In all his years of trailing around the world, looking for Hannah, he had never seen something so pathetic. And that included himself.

"Rashel" He whispered, somehow it did not seem right to speak at the right volume. Goddess, Quinn had been right about the smell. It was awful, a mixture of the musty sweat of clothes that had not been changed in a few days and.....rotting banana. And he had always thought the girl was so clean.

"The blood elves are massing in Stranglethorn Vale" Rashel paused, listening to a voice on the other end of the headset "Carter I swear if you pull that crap again your death will be so violent that all four of your processors will feel it"

"Rashel" he said more loudly.

She continued to stare at the screen as if in a trance. "I've equipped the Torch of Holy flame. That should give them something to think about. Make sure we're all flagged guys"

"" Thierry yelled at the top of his lungs. One thing he had learnt in his dealings with the made vampire Poppy North, if at first you don't succeed, yell louder.

She blinked as if awaking from a dream and turned her head slowly, it seemed to be an effort, as if her body was just not meant to be in a position away from the screen. The blue light highlighted the raised bumps of acne on her cheeks. Goddess she looked like crap.

"Thierry? When did you come over?"

"Rashel do you know what day it is?"

She blinked twice "The feast of Winter Veil"

"By the Goddess" This was bad, this was very bad. He swore, Quinn was right, "Rashel, do you know how long you've been playing"

"Playing?" She looked confused

Thierry's face wrinkled, he concentrated, trying to keep her in the real world, trying to get through to her. What had Quinn called it? "Gaming! Yes. Do you know how long you've been gaming?"

She tilted her head to the side "Errrrr awhile" She blinked again as the headset buzzed "Yeah hang on a minute Darklighter, some noob is hogging my airtime"

"What's a Noob" Thierry looked over at Quinn

He looked crestfallen "Don't ask me, I thought it was her special new name for me"

"When did she last leave this room Quinn?"

"Bout a month ago to when the official companion arrived from ebay. She was out for a hour trying to open the bubble wrap" Quinn sat down in the doorway, a position he was often used to "We used to go out all the time, she used to love the park and the sunlight and the....."

"Shut up Quinn...." Thierry chided, no wonder she never left the room, he was getting on his nerves. He was pretty sure Quinn wasn't this much of a mess before. He almost preferred him when he was a vicious slave trader. "How does she pee?" He mused darkly

"Potty chair" He shrugged his shoulders " She's an enterprising girl, my Rashel, cut the hole herself with her own boken. Her whole clan love them apparently. The patent's currently pending"

With horror Thierry realised that the computer chair had a large whole in the centre, beneath was a plastic kitchen basin, which thankfully for the moment was empty. "That is nasty"

Quinn raised an eyebrow "You're not the one that has to empty it"

"Gross" No wonder the poor man was cracking up.

"Rashel!" Thierry shouted again

"By the Goddess, Thierry what?! I'm busy" She shouted back, not taking her eyes from that eerie blue glow.

He stepped over Quinn and peered over her shoulder "What you doin'?"

"Questing" She snapped

"Oh" Thierry said as if he knew what she was talking about.

In the doorway Quinn was quietly weeping.

"What for?"

Rashel exhaled sharply, suddenly Thierry wondered if she was going to produce her boken from under the potty chair and stake him with it. Instead she picked up a chipped mug that had the words 'World's Best Girlfriend" crossed out with magic marker and on the other side in the same black scrawl roughly drawn in bold letters "Health" and took a sip of Mountain Dew. "We're looking for the mystical Sword of Supreme Awesomeness. Its supposed to be the only cure for the Corrupt Blood plague. Its only a legend amongst hackers that it even exists but Freddie Star Ate My Hamster has a few clues to its whereabouts and I've got my own theories"

"Cool, what's that?" He pointed to a figure in the middle of the screen walking with really really big hands and head.

"That's me, I'm Kitkat, I'm a High Elf"

"And that" He pointed at another figure "That's Carter, He's a Orc cheerleader. His Hershey attack is kick ass"

"Cool" Thierry muttered.

She tapped away on her computer "I know someone who can set you up an account with loads of gold if you want the hack. I'll email you the link"

"Errrrr cheers" He didn't know how to respond to that, just keep her talking Thierry. "So these are real people.

"Carter can only play between six and eight because his mom is a bitch. He wants to move out but he's only twelve. Yoda Dude is around a lot because his mom doesn't care how much time he spends online as long as his room is tidy"

"And how old is he?"

"Forty three" She replied "He doesn't have a job so between us we do a lot of the real grind for the clan. Killing boars and such" Rashel spoke as if it was normal.

In Thierry's world there were lots of strange things, Dragons, blue fire etc but there was still nothing normal about still living with your parents at forty three. "Cool"

He backed away, the game DID actually sound kind of awesome, battles, quests, cool little avatars, but if he had to live with this then he might very well crack up like Quinn. He and Hannah had both seen a lot of change over the years, they had seen people move from caves to houses, cities springing up almost overnight, but these weird computer people he would never understand, he would never become. Thank the Goddess Hannah thought computer games were totally lame.

He shut the door slowly, shutting out the blue light and trying not to crush Quinn. Somehow he thought the vampire wouldn't mind if his head were smashed in the door.

"What do I do?" He asked mournfully

The Night World Elder ran his hands through his hair, his eyes adjusting to the darkness "I had no idea. I mean I just had no idea Quinn. How did she get so bad with out anyone noticing"

Quinn broke down completely into a tirade of sobs "It just all happened so fast! At first she said she was fine, that she could quit any time she wanted. That she was getting bored of it anyway. But it was all lies Thierry, lies. And her ass just kept getting bigger"

"Get a grip Quinn" Thierry took hold of Quinn by the shoulders and slapped him as hard as he could. _ I bet Ash Redfern wishes he'd been here to see that_.

Quinn shook himself "Thanks"

"You need a break, its all too much for you" He took his cell phone out "I'll make a call, take my car to the airport at Billings. You need a holiday, somewhere nice and quiet, relaxing" _ Somewhere without a internet connection._

"But what about Rashel, who will look after her, who will change the potty chair?" He stammered

Thierry put all his authority into his stare, he was a lord of the Night World after all. "She will just have to take care of herself. She is the Cat Quinn. She's a fighter, she can do this. But Rashel is never going to take her enormous backside out of that computer chair if she's not forced. If you're not here to fetch and carry for her, she'll have to learn to survive on her own again"

His eyes looked back solemnly "But what if she can't, what if she can't adapt to the 'real world?'"

Thierry sighed "That's a chance we're just going to have to take. I'll pop in on her to make sure she's not died or anything"

Quinn nodded. "Thanks Thierry"

_Two Weeks later._

Quinn stepped off the plane, the French Alps had been amazing. He had done some snowboarding, even learnt to cut a few tricks, relaxed in the spa. The resort was small and exclusive, but best of all it had no internet! Michael Buble had been staying in the suite next door. He had resisted the urge to kill him but not the urge to punch him in the face. He had forgotten how satisfying that 'oommmphhh' sound was, or the lovely patten a blood splatter could make on the wall. Oh yes Thierry had been right. This trip had been a great idea. He felt more like his old self again. Hopefully Rashel would be back to normal. Hopefully she would not have such a fat ass.

He walked down the steps to the runway. In the distance he saw Lady Hannah.

_Thierry must have sent her, if he couldn't make it himself._

Hannah's eyes flashed when she saw Quinn, he gave her a small wave. She strode up to him, and punched him square in the jaw, hard. She hit hard for a girl. Lupe the werewolf had been teaching her since she arrived in the mansion.

"How could you Quinn, after all we've done for you? How could you do this to him?!" Her eyes filled with tears of rage and hurt.

Quinn rolled his jaw, it ached from the impact "What's going on?!"

"Oh don't pretend like you don't know" She spat

He held up his hands, not wanting to be punched again, why was it all human soulmates were so violent. He had to take shin guards with him every time he went to see Ash and Mary-lynette. "I swear Hannah, Thierry sent me away because Rashel and I, well we've sort of been having problems and he thought some time away would help"

"No he didn't" Hannah glared "He sent you away because of" she looked at him straight in the eye "Warcraft"

Quinn's face fell "Then you know"

"Yes, yes I know" She whispered, suddenly she looked exhausted, a haunted look that Quinn recognised, but then it was gone. "I think you had better come with me"

To his surprise the car was taking them back to his apartment. Hannah let herself in with a key. She looked at Quinn intently, as she opened his front door, watching him raise an eyebrow. Yes, she wanted him to wonder why she had a key to his apartment.

"Goddess" he breathed, the smell, it was worse. He kicked aside two weeks of unopened credit card applications and pizza menus and stepped into the darkness of his home. Hannah knew the way blind even though she did not have his eyesight. As they reached the living room he recognised that same blue glow coming from the study, except it was brighter.

"Now do you understand" Hannah whispered

Quinn could hear two voices in the distance.

He looked into the study and the sheer horror of what he saw hit him like a steak through the testicles. "Goddess Hannah, I'm so sorry" he sank to his knees "What have I done?!"

Two computers were now in the study. Rashel and Thierry now sat back to back on duel potty chairs talking to each other through identical headsets, through the glow of the screens he could see Thierry's ass.


End file.
